


Gifts of the Fae

by ItsClydeBitches



Category: RWBY
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Family Fluff, Fluff, Halloween, M/M, Ozqrow Week, Pining, basically 12k of the girls being little shits, ngl here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-29
Updated: 2017-11-03
Packaged: 2019-01-26 05:56:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12550676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ItsClydeBitches/pseuds/ItsClydeBitches
Summary: Qrow has lived next door to Ozpin for nearly a year now and the fact that they haven't gotten together yet just drives his nieces up the wall. Why are adults so *stupid* about these things?Lucky for them, Ruby and Yang are more than a little stubborn. Some planning, some patience, and a bit of Halloween spirit might be just enough to finally land them that third dad they've been after...





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Want to hear a fun fact about this fic? I hate it! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ This didn't do a single thing I wanted it to BUT, it's here, it's done, and I hope you all get more enjoyment out of reading it than I did writing it. 
> 
> There are six chapters total, one for each day of the Ozqrow Family Week (with the exception of the freebie day). So I'll be posting each chapter with its corresponding prompt over the next almost-week. 
> 
> First up is "Oztober." Enjoy <3

Ozpin was having an exceedingly odd day.

 

"Do you believe in faeries?" he asked.

 

Across the fence Port paused in the act of clearing his leaves, leaning hard on the rake with, what Ozpin had mentally come to term, his _Has He Lost It?_ expression. Ozpin received that look at lot around the neighborhood. He’d grown quite fond of it over the years.

 

"Fairies?" Port repeated. Behind him Bart stood on the porch, shaking his head and taking a long drink from his mug. He ambled inside, his body language screaming that it was far too early for this.

 

Ozpin nodded. Morning paper in hand he approached the fence and Port moved forward to meet him, obliging.

 

"Yes. Though perhaps it would be more accurate to ask if you believe in brownies."

 

Port blinked. "The food?"

 

"The faerie. Or perhaps it's more of a sprite. I must admit that my knowledge of Scottish folklore is sorely lacking, but surely you've heard of the hobgoblin-type creatures known for their good deeds? They have a tendency to sneak into mortals' households, completing small tasks in exchange for anonymity and—if you're feeling generous—a bit of free food. Provided that you do nothing to offend them, brownies are a wonderful example of how humans and the Fae can interact positively."

 

Port was just stared at him moment before erupting in laughter. Ozpin stared back, a little past his left shoulder. He could see Glynda's house from here. She'd be up in another hour, primed and proper as she retrieved her own mail. She’d raise a hand in greeting and Ozpin, pleased, would raise one back.

 

Port was still laughing.

 

"Never heard of them," he finally said. “Ah, I needed that though. You’re a real character. Gotta appreciate that humor…” Port leaned his rake against a tree and started heading back inside, despite the fact that half his lawn still needed work. "Nice talking to you, Ozpin."

 

"And you, Peter."

 

Port hadn't given him time to explain his recent fascination though. Simply put, Ozpin had evidence that brownies did in fact exist. Or—if he were being serious about this—that something ( _someone_ ) had been doing small, but appreciated errands for him. It wasn't anything extreme, but Ozpin had woken up this morning with more than one thing... changed.

 

For starters, Port really should have noticed that their two yards looked nothing alike, despite the fact that Ozpin had only just left his home. His leaves where raked and situated in a perfect pile next to his mailbox. He hadn't done that. Nor had he had time to clean off the toilet paper that Neptune and Sun had left—a Halloween 'present' they eventually gave to all their neighbors. (Except for Glynda. They wouldn’t dare). Last night he’d had a lovely collection of white adorning his tree, but low and behold, now it was spotless.

 

And Ozpin certainly hadn't left a box of Halloween chocolates on his own front porch. The one with a feather slipped through the orange ribbon.

 

"An odd day indeed," he murmured.

 

There was, of course, only one logical next step.

 

Glynda lived alone at the end of the cul-de-sac. Beside her was Peter and Bart, then Ozpin, and finally, at the end of their short row was a rather fine man and his two nieces. Though their small neighborhood had a wide variety of people in it, only one had such an overt, avian connection.

 

"Good morning, Qrow."

 

It wasn't the first time Ozpin had knocked on this door when the sun was still rising, with a myriad of excuses at his lips. They ranged from, "It seems your paper somehow ended up in my yard, isn't that strange?" to "I was accidentally given an extra pastry at Starbucks. Would you like it?" Ozpin didn't pride himself on being a liar, but if it ensured that he got to see Qrow sleepy-eyed and rumpled before the start of the day...

 

...well. He was only human. And today he had an actual, real excuse for once.

 

"Hey, Oz," Qrow mumbled. Unlike his other, bustling neighbors, at 8:00am Qrow was still quite dead to the world, leaning heavily on the doorjamb in nothing but socks and a pair of black, low-slung sweats. Ozpin did not look him over and he certainly didn't make any unsolicited comments. He was quite sure they wouldn't be appreciated. Instead he merely lifted the feather, holding it between thumb and forefinger as Qrow blinked sleepily at it.

 

"I found this on my doorstep this morning," Ozpin explained. He watched, amused, as Qrow mouthed a silent 'what the fuck?' "It was accompanied by a box of chocolates. Halloween themed, I believe. Ghosts and ghouls, the like. They appear cheap, but are appreciated nonetheless. I suspect brownies."

 

Qrow's expression was nearly identical to Port's and it amused Ozpin to no end. He was quite... adorable when confused.

 

 "...what?"

 

From behind him snuck out two, creeping silhouettes. Ruby and Yang were just visible on the steps leading up to the second floor, trying and failing to hide within the shadow of the banister. If Ozpin hadn't been suspicious before (and he had) he certainly would have become so at their bright-eyed expressions, so very different from their uncle's. What twelve and ten-year-old were dressed and sneaking about on a cool, Saturday morning? However did Yang get such muddy boots—as if she'd been doing yard work sometime in the night? And oh, Ruby needed to practice her poker face. Grey eyes kept darting to the cookie jar that contained the family's loose bills and change. No doubt a handful of it was missing now. Perhaps just enough to buy a collection of chocolates from the corner-store a few streets down.

 

Ozpin let his gaze slide back to Qrow. He felt warm in the chilly morning air.

 

And just a little bit saddened.

 

"Mischievous spirits," he said. "Known for their attempts to help. However, if you read the stories you'll know that many cause more harm than good." The girls' expressions fell as Ozpin examined the feather. "I assume you didn't leave this for me?"

 

"Uh...don’t think so?" Qrow clearly hadn’t had his coffee yet. He was only just starting to process the situation, but by that time Ozpin had already pocketed it away.

 

"Of course. Silly of me, especially given that this is from a raven's plumage."

 

"Raven?" Qrow echoed, no doubt thinking of his sister, but Ozpin soothed him, lifting a hand in departure and trotting down the steps back to his own, humble abode. Qrow called out an iffy goodbye and closed his door with a thoroughly puzzled look on his face. He was sure to forget about his neighbor's strange visit within the hour. But right before the door shut Ozpin caught Yang and Ruby's disgruntled looks. He dropped them a quick wink.

 

Faeries indeed.

 

Ozpin had lived in this simple neighborhood since he was a boy and he'd been the first to welcome Qrow when he moved in with the girls late last year. He'd known, even then, that he had no chance with the younger man. Qrow had expressed little interest in lasting romantic relations, and the few men Ozpin had seen over at his place—Ruby and Yang's father, the enigmatic James, a boisterous man who referred to himself as 'Junior'—were all younger, handsomer prospects. Perhaps more importantly, they contained a rather wild spirit that Ozpin had always envied in his peers. He knew that James was once a military man, Junior owned the club in town where Qrow worked, and Tai was optimism personified, a cheerful fellow who clearly had no problem with unconventional family dynamics. Allowing his kids to live with their uncle attested to that.

 

Qrow kept a motorcycle in his garage that that he was teaching little Yang how to fix on the weekends and Ozpin had seen him showing the even tinnier Ruby how to throw a punch against a propped-up sandbag. He listened to bass-heavy music that blasted out of his earbuds and walked out each morning with a new set of jewelry adorning his person: skull rings and piercings and lopsided crosses; complicated pieces that offset the simple tattoos on his arms.

 

Ozpin had taken careful stock of his own wardrobe one day, for once noticing just how _proper_ it all was; the muted greens, grays, and browns. Qrow was a walking stereotype of everything their society labeled as "cool" (if the kids were still calling it that nowadays—and didn't that date him?), whereas Ozpin had never strayed from the straight and the narrow. He'd entered school at the tender age of four and hadn't left until three years previously, working through college, his Master's, a Ph.D in folklore, and teaching, until one day he thought it best to retire early on the money his family had left him. Now Ozpin did exactly what he'd done his whole life read and write. The closest thing to a rebellious act he'd committed lately was picking up that feather. Hmm. Or perhaps the lies he told to speak, if only briefly, with Qrow. Yes, that just made him _fascinating_.

 

Ozpin allowed himself a brief scowl as he reached his front door. He knew well that Qrow would quickly bore of him. It wasn't a critique of the other man. Far from it. Ozpin knew because that exact thing had happened with Salem.

 

Still, that didn't stop Ruby and Yang from playing matchmaker. They'd done small things in the past—an 'anonymous' card on Valentine's Day, whispered confidences that Uncle Qrow had said he looked _great_ today when Ozpin knew damn well he'd said nothing of the kind—but chores and chocolates were quite the step up. Mischievous little buggers. Ozpin briefly touched the outline of the feather in his pocket. He honestly didn't know what movies those girls were watching, but they had certainly put some ridiculous ideas into their heads. Like that single neighbors were bound for one another. Or even worse, that opposites actually attract.

 

Perhaps that was true on his end, but it could hardly go both ways.

 

It had only been a few months. They'd tire of this game eventually, or simply grow out of it. Until then Ozpin would not begrudge them their fun, even if it did touch on things he'd rather not have simmering quite so close to the surface.

 

In the safety of his home Ozpin set the feather on the mantelpiece and sat at his kitchen counter, pulling the box of chocolates forward, slowly drawing out the ribbon. There lay a series of molded ghosts and ghouls, some of them with orange icing to dot the eyes. 8:30am and Ozpin popped one into his mouth. They were indeed sickeningly sweet, the kind of milk chocolate that would soon grow dusty in color from poor tempering. He ate all of them for his breakfast.

 

After all, it would be rude to refuse the Fae’s offering.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Two! Prompt is "horror movies."

"Qrow and Ozpin sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love. Then comes marriage... or maybe not. Because you don't have to marry someone to love them. And gay marriage still isn't legal everywhere. And that just suuuucks~"

 

"I'm torn on whether or not I'm proud of this little display," Qrow said, side-eyeing Yang as she sang. Ruby had pulled two wooden spoons out from the drawer and was holding them side-by-side, making rather disturbing kissing noises. "Okay fine. I'm morbidly curious now. Which is which?"

 

Ruby considered that. Then she dunked one spoon into the flour so it came up white on top. "Ozpin," she said.

 

"...Great."

 

10:00am on a Saturday and Qrow had finally gotten some coffee into his system. He had vague recollections of Ozpin knocking on his door earlier, but to be frank he'd been too tired to remember much. Something must have gone down though because the girls were in full matchmaker mode again. It produced a particularly potent mix of pride and unrelenting horror in him.

 

Qrow stirred his batter with more violence than it probably needed. "Would you two quit it already," he groused. "It's too early for this nonsense."

 

"It's past 10:00," Ruby said.

 

"Did I stutter, pipsqueak? Too. Early."

 

Yang just responded by jumping up on the counter next to Ruby. She placed hands on either side of her sister's and slowly—never breaking eye contact with Qrow—pushed the spoons together. "Now kiss," she whispered.

 

"What the hell have you two been watching?"

 

"Just _talk_ to him," Ruby begged. She bounced up and down with a disgusting amount of energy. "We know you like him. And he likes you..." she dropped the spoons to wave and clench her hands. "This is super, duper simple!"

 

Qrow snorted. "That's because you're eight and everything seems super, duper simple to you."

 

Yang had developed a traumatized look in her eyes. "Math isn't simple," she said.

 

"Except math. I love you both, but don't ever ask me for help with that shit. Math is firmly your dad's responsibility."

 

Qrow shoved them both out of the way to get at the stove, drizzling circle-like shapes into the heated pan. His munchkins really did think this was simple, didn't they? Oz liked him? Sure, in the way Oz liked everyone in the neighborhood. Qrow had never once seen him get angry or even disgruntled, no matter how much some of their less savory neighbors brushed him off, or how many times the kids around here pulled stupid stunts. The man was a perpetual fount of patience and sometimes Qrow just wanted to throw a punch _for_ him.

 

That was the old him talking though. The one who lived for bar fights and getting in deep with a whole slew of guys twice his size. It had been real fun in his teens and early twenties, the rip-roar sort of life he'd always wanted, but there'd come a time (thirty) where Qrow's body and mind had just said, fuck it. He was too old for this shit. The girls being born had played a large in that. As had Summer's death. Nothing quite like the loss of a loved one to remind you of your own mortality. Over the next couple of years Qrow had done a damn 180, until he'd ended up here, of all places: small house, paying job, everything but the literal white picket fence. He'd even ended up with the 2.5 kids—if you were willing to count Zwei.

 

Life was funny sometimes. Fate and all that. Or maybe Qrow just underestimated his own influence, because right around the time he started craving stability, Tai began straining at the seams. Personally, Qrow thought that his mild-mannered brother-in-law had finally delved into that mid-life crisis. Sometime between Summer dying and Yang developing full-blown language, he too had said, fuck it. He needed an out, if only for a while. Travel. Freedom. A little bit of the wild side he used to snub Qrow for. Only problem was that "a while" turned into "years."

 

Actually, it wasn't a problem. Far from it. He and Tai had settled into an unconventional, but comfortable, rhythm. Qrow took care of the girls' day-to-day needs and Tai—thanks to some very wealthy relatives—provided most of the funds. He was home for every birthday and major holiday, and thanks to technology the girls were texting or Skyping him every night. Qrow had gotten some flak for giving a ten and eight-year-old a shared cellphone, but whatever.

 

He was an uncle-dad hybrid now and would raise these girls however the hell he wanted. _That_ was a freedom Qrow could now get behind.

 

Oh geez. Maybe a bit of all that had shown on his face. Ruby leaned forward on the counter, chin on her fists as she blinked big, grey eyes at him. "I could have _three_ dads," she said sweetly.

 

Qrow didn't know what his expression was doing in that moment, but it caused Yang to choke on air.

 

"What kind of alien children are you?"

 

"Greedy ones."

 

"Jesus."

 

Qrow shoved the girls out of the way again to get at the plates. One giant pancake got blueberries, the other one chocolate chips.

 

"Don't know why you're so dead-set on Oz, of all people," he muttered. Qrow could feel his cheeks heating and it was 100% because of the stove and steam and all that other… hot stuff. Absolutely. "He's all refined and I’m..."

 

“What?”

 

Qrow dumped breakfast onto the plates. "I burn pancakes."

 

Yang shook her head, making a grab for the blueberries and sprinkling extra on top. "He is not that refined, okay. I saw him eating a whole bag of marshmallows once. Not the mini ones either. The jumbo size straight out of the bag. Like an _animal_."

 

Qrow stared, considering that. "We didn't move here until after the holidays."

 

"This was summer."

 

Oz consumed giant hot chocolate marshmallows in 90-degree weather. Why was that _fucking adorable_? Qrow had already known he was in deep. That damn first day when Ozpin had knocked on his door, a plate of cookies in hand and a genuine, “Welcome to the neighborhood!” Qrow had been dressed in a ratty, twenty-year old Rolling Stones tee and a pair of jeans the girls had colored on when they were three and five (there was a splotchy rose on the back of his knee and a demented looking pony near his crotch). Chipped purple polish on his bare toes, bedhead, bruises on his arms from tripping over boxes, sticky fingers thanks to the girls' attempts at cooking... Qrow had taken one look at this well-dressed man and thought, _No way in hell._

 

He didn't stand a chance.

 

Now Qrow snatched the syrup bottle before Ruby could pour it directly into her mouth. "You two need better hobbies."

 

"He's just so _weird_ ," Ruby said, ignoring him and grabbing the bag of chocolate chips instead. "Like, a good weird. And you're a good weird! So just be weird together." She said the last bit with a full mouth, spewing bits of chocolate in all directions.

 

Yang made finger guns. "What mini-me said."

 

"Haven't they taught you analogies in school yet?" Qrow poured them both milk and quickly washed his hands, throwing the pre-made sandwich into the pocket of his coat. "By your logic I should be a home-wrecker and fall for Port. Now _that_ man is weird."

 

Ruby wrinkled her nose. "Mr. Port smells like cheese."

 

"Blue cheese," Yang emphasized.

 

He probably shouldn't encourage the girls insulting their neighbors. Even when they were right.

 

"Enough," Qrow said. "I've gotta run. Do I have everything?" He turned, getting two thumbs up for the spin. Lunch, keys, coat, wallet, phone. Good enough. "I'm just helping Junior clean the club today. He's got another bouncer working tonight, so I'll be home early. Movies?"

 

"Movies!" Yang cheered while Ruby nodded excitedly. It was a Saturday night tradition in the Branwen household, even more-so when October was underway and there were spooky flicks to enjoy. It was the perfect way to end the day.

 

 _It would be better with someone else to enjoy it with,_ a little voice said. Qrow shook it away. He did _not_ need to imagine Oz curled up on his couch right now.

 

"Great. Wonderful. Eat something semi-healthy later. Don't burn the house down. Call me if there's an emergency. No. Wait. Run screaming to another house if there's an emergency, _then_ call me."

 

Ruby blinked innocent eyes up at him. "Run to Ozpin's house?" Yang snickered.

 

"Yes, Rosebud," he said. Qrow dropped quick kisses on both their foreheads. Teasing aside, there was no one in the neighborhood Qrow trusted more to keep his girls safe.

 

Except maybe Glynda. Glynda would _destroy_ any danger.

 

...she kind of scared him.

 

"I'm off," Qrow said, flapping a hand behind him as he left the kitchen. "Don't do anything I would do."

 

Yang cocked her head. "Don't you mean wouldn't do?"

 

"Nope!" and the front door slammed.

 

The second it did Ruby knocked her shoulder into Yang's, causing a piece of pancake to fall to the floor. "I told you the chocolates were a _stupid_ idea. Ozpin knows Uncle Qrow doesn't do things like that!"

 

"He might," Yang said. She considered that for a moment. "If he was drunk enough. Maybe. But he can’t do that anymore, so." She hopped down and pulled open the utensils drawer, rummaging until she found the feathers they'd collected and eventually discarded for being too bent or too scrawny. Yang scowled down at the bouquet.

 

Ruby kicked her heels against the counter. "Didn't even get a crow feather..."

 

"It's not like you can tell the difference either!"

 

"I'm not the oldest!"

 

"I'm not the oldest," Yang mimicked, pulling herself back up. She popped another piece of pancake into her mouth and considered the feathers. "These are from a raven, huh? Do you think... you think you can send a feather in the mail? Like to jail?"

 

Ruby hummed. "Maybe? Can you stab someone with a feather? _Ow!_ "

 

"Yes."

 

"Then no." Ruby rubbed her wrist, glaring. "Your mom might shank someone or something."

 

"Don't say that about her!" Yang tossed the feathers into the sink though, looking sullen. "Adults are stupid."

 

"Uh huh."

 

They finished their pancakes in silence, depositing the plates over the now wet feathers and sort of cleaning up the spilled batter. Yang was straining to get the milk back on the top shelf of the fridge when Ruby said,

 

"Movies."

 

"Huh?" Yang turned, finding Ruby staring hard at their connected living room—a second-hand couch and new flat screen TV. (Uncle Qrow had his priorities.) "Yeah? Uncle Qrow said he was getting back early."

 

Ruby was practically vibrating in place. Her smile, when Yang caught it, was both maniacal and manipulative.

 

"I _know_."

 

She raced out of the house, ignoring Yang's shouted questions. Ruby sprinted down the path and took a sharp left, ploughing through Ozpin's front yard. Just as she had earlier that morning she stopped at his front porch, but this time Ruby rang the bell.

 

Ozpin answered—a little quickly?—and immediately swiped a thumb across his lower lip upon seeing who it was. Ruby thought she caught a smear of chocolate there.

 

"Hello Ruby," he said. Ozpin wrapped an arm around his waist as if cold. "Is there something I can help you with?"

 

Ruby rocked back on her heels. "Yeah... Okay. See, tonight's our movie night and Yang and I were _super_ excited about it, but Uncle Qrow has to work late at the club, which means we'll have to go to bed early, and even if we didn't it's no fun watching the movies without someone else around. Yang just yells at the good guys to punch the monsters in the face and I get scared if there isn’t an adult with me." Ruby rocked a little more. "Sooooo, can you babysit? Just for a while? Uncle Qrow said it's cool and that you should come over around seven, he'll be home by midnight, and I'll make you caramel corn!"

 

For a moment the two of them stood in silence, Ozpin looking a little overwhelmed by the barrage of information. Ruby watched closely as his eyes skittered to their house, considering, and a faint blush rose in the arcs of his cheeks. Eventually he knelt, something Ozpin always did when he wanted to speak seriously to Ruby.

 

"Your uncle truly invited me over?" he asked, voice skeptical.

 

"Mmm hmm," Ruby said. She kept her crossed fingers firmly hidden behind her back.

 

Ozpin's expression softened. "Well then, I'm sure I'd be honored to—"

 

"Great!" Ruby cried. She launched herself at Ozpin's waist, nearly toppling him with the hug, before just as quickly hoofing it back across the yard. She left the poor man standing there, bewildered, his night plans suddenly more interesting than they’d been before. That is, if one trusted the invitation of a tiny fae.

 

Back in the kitchen Ruby told Yang her plan and spread her arms wide, posing.

 

"I'm a _genius_."

 

Yang scoffed. "You'd better be. Otherwise Uncle Qrow is gonna kick our asses."

 

Maybe so. Either way, tonight was going to be _fun_.

 

Ruby would make extra sure of it.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Costumes <3

To be frank, Ozpin didn't know what to do with himself the rest of the day. He'd finished the chocolates right before Ruby's visit (a highly embarrassing situation, to be sure) and had spent morning to afternoon in a restless state, the idea of entering Qrow's house as a guest eating at him with an intensity that honestly surprised him. Qrow wasn't even going to _be_ there. But their relationship had always been confined to the public sphere: across their fence, out on the street, their front doors acting as an unspoken barrier. Ozpin had certainly never babysat the girls before. Though young, he hadn't thought they needed such supervision. They were remarkably self-sufficient.

 

_You're gonna bore them to death, Oz._

 

He flinched, waving the thought away like an errant fly. That was Salem's voice and he'd resigned to stop listening to it years ago. Still, it didn't sit well with him that Ozpin could still so easily picture her, lounging on his bed with a cigarette in one hand and the other slipping beneath her skirt, working to... do what he supposedly could not. She'd said those words while he'd still been bent between her thighs: "You're boring me to _death_ , Oz."

 

Yes. He'd once felt privileged to catch Salem's eye—strange, bookish Oz landing the hottest girl in the program. Quite the miracle! And what wasn't there to feel pride in? He just hadn't realized at the time that sparking interest was only half the battle; it wasn’t at all the same as keeping it. Ozpin was, it seemed, quite the failure when it came to romance.

 

No one in the intervening years had ever given him reason to dispute that.

 

"Enough," he muttered, running a hand through his hair. It wasn't as if Qrow was looking for anything other than a bit of neighborly assistance. Ozpin half expected the girls to try and pull something, which only meant he had to keep himself together. He wouldn't be the one to taint their fun and innocence just because _he_ was such a failure.

 

Ozpin pulled his pocket-watch out and found that the day was still young. Port had returned to finish his leaves, but otherwise the neighborhood was silent. Deciding that the quiet was no longer working in his favor, Ozpin grabbed his coat and set off down the street.

 

The crisp air did him good, as did the assortment of decorations. Their little cul-de-sac was aglow in black and orange, everyone embracing the Halloween spirit for the kids. The only one who hadn't set up skeletons and jack-o-lanterns was Glynda. Ozpin paused to admire the one decoration she'd bothered to hang on her door:

 

**Queen of Halloween:**

**Do it My Way or I'll Push You Off My Broom**

 

"Like it?" said a voice. Ozpin turned to find Glynda leaning out the open window, pulling in an abandoned bird feeder. "I got it for six bucks at the dollar store."

 

Ozpin cocked his head. "If it's the dollar store why in the world did you pay six?"

 

"Because the kid at the counter looked pathetic and needed lunch." She shrugged. "Door's open. Unless you want to stand on my porch all day."

 

A part of him honestly did. It was peaceful in this exact moment, poised at another threshold, and as silly as it seemed Ozpin didn't want to begin this conversation. He allowed himself a deep sigh before heading in.

 

"Qrow invited me over to his place this evening," Ozpin said, toeing off his shoes and placing them neatly beside the umbrella stand. It was best to just dive right in and he faintly heard Glynda's snort at his lack of small talk. Ozpin followed her over to the dining table where two glasses of cider were already waiting.

 

She sat and tapped a finger against her glass. "I know you, Oz. You're leaving a _lot_ out of that sentence."

 

Fair enough.

 

"...perhaps. Qrow himself did not invite me. Exactly. And it's not the, ah, social gathering that it might appear at first glance." At Glynda's stare Ozpin threw up his hands. "He's requested my assistance in babysitting the girls this evening. Through Ruby."

 

"And so obviously you're panicking about it."

 

"I am far from _panicking_ , Glynda."

 

"Hmm."

 

It had been pure coincidence that he and Glynda ended up in the same neighborhood together, let alone on the same street. She'd been in the English department while Ozpin was receiving his Ph.D., two years behind him and a lot more iffy about academic life. Glynda had eventually left with just her Master's, choosing to pursue a career in manuscript editing instead, but she'd been around long enough to witness his fallout with Salem, the rumors' that were better suited for a sordid high school than a prestigious university. It was Glynda who'd found him after he botched his first exams, suddenly overcome with the belief that his research was too bland and flimsy to hold the attention of his committee. Ozpin had reached the door of the classroom—and promptly ran away.

 

Glynda was also the only one who knew about his... fondness for Qrow.

 

"You're an idiot," she said and Ozpin ducked his head. He was smiling though. Somehow Glynda's brusque nature and reliance on insults always made him feel a little better. They were soothing and familiar, whereas in anyone else's hands they would have been weapons.

 

"Honest to god, Oz, you're a complete moron. Not that I approve of your taste in men," Glynda adopted a disgusted expression, "but you realize this is the perfect opportunity, right? Those girls are menaces, not doubt, but they're also sweet as punch. Strange combination."

 

Ozpin took a long drink of the cider. "I'm still not convinced they're human."

 

"...what."

 

"Never mind. You were saying something about my idiocy?"

 

"Yes." Glynda pointed a stern finger his way. "Golden opportunity here: you watch those girls and it's immediate points in your favor. Maybe Qrow asks you to babysit again. You two get to see each other more, not just over that damn fence. You chat, hang out, one thing leads to another..." She shrugged, somehow jumping from casual friends to something more, a skill Ozpin's imagination just didn't possess. "Besides, you can snoop through his house tonight. Get some dirt. Figure out his kinks—"

 

"Glynda!"

 

"Just telling it like it is."

 

Glynda possessed the unique ability to lounge and speak as if she were perpetually drunk, without actually being drunk and losing her edge. Ozpin had honestly thought her water bottle back in school had been laced with vodka until he realized that Glynda just didn't _care_.

 

"You make it sound remarkably simple," Ozpin muttered, finishing his drink. He ran a finger down the side of the glass. "I'll settle for surviving tonight, thank you. Yang and Ruby are marvelous girls and I quite enjoy their company, but whatever am I supposed to _do_ with them for five hours?" Ozpin didn't want to admit that half his nightmares today had involved the girls becoming disenchanted with him. Bored. If _they_ didn't like you, there was simply no way that Qrow ever would.

 

Glynda pursed her lips. "We'll they'll be asleep a lot of that time—" She caught sight of Ozpin's expression. "Or not. But really, Oz, it's simple. They're kids. Put on a movie. Play video games. You study fairy tales, for god's sake. Kids eat that stuff up."

 

"I am a _folklorist_ who specializes in _fables_."

 

"Yeah, yeah. Look, raid the linen closet upstairs, that'll help. I need to read this manuscript by 5:00." Ozpin blinked as Glynda suddenly shooed him out of his chair and up the steps. "Grab whatever you want. But, Oz? Wear something casual tonight."

 

Which was how Ozpin ended up on Qrow's doorstep at precisely 7:00pm, dressed in his single pair of jeans and a gray sweater he'd had since his college days, frayed but comforting. Ozpin's arms were overburdened with the discards of Glynda's sewing hobby that, to be frank, he'd forgotten she had. Bundles of fabrics, miscellaneous accompaniments like glitter (oh god), a whole bag of accessories from her brief stint designing for their local theater... Ozpin didn't know what to do with it all, but Glynda assured him it would be useful. They could make Halloween costumes.

 

It was actually a rather good suggestion and Ozpin was feeling more comfortable than he'd have ever believed possible. Careful not to drop it all he pressed the doorbell, immediately hearing a muffled shout of joy from Ruby. There were other voices too (Yang and... the TV?) and the general scramble as someone approached the door. Ozpin shifted until he felt the feather in his pocket, picked up on a whim when he’d returned home. It was a small, comforting weight against his leg and Ozpin adopted a smile that wasn't at all forced. After all, he knew Yang and Ruby well. It would be a wonderful night. And it wasn't as if he was actually trying to interact with—

 

Qrow.

 

Ozpin's arms went numb and he nearly dropped Glynda's offering. It was one thing to approach Qrow's door of his own volition. It was quite another for Qrow to be standing there when he was meant to be at work. Ozpin was ready to chock it up to a mistake—no babysitter needed, sorry we forgot to cancel—except that Qrow looked equally confused as to why he was here.

 

Then Ozpin caught sight of the girls behind their uncle's legs. Their shit-eating grins said it all.

 

"Hey, Oz," Qrow said. "Did you, uh... wanna come in?"

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More than halfway there <3

The day Qrow had texted Tai saying he'd gotten a job at Junior's bar was the day they'd had one of their biggest fights in ten years—outweighed only by Qrow's refusal to visit his sister in jail. At the time it had seemed like pure, micromanaging judgement on Tai's part, and coming from the guy currently off “seeing the world,” that had more than pissed him off. In retrospect though, Qrow got the fear underlying the anger. Maybe—just maybe—working at a club every night wasn't the best gig for a guy heading to Alcoholics Anonymous each Sunday.

 

What Tai had always failed to understand though was that Qrow wasn't a guy who was easily tempted. He either wanted a drink or he didn't, and granted for most of his life he was in the "do want" category, but if anything changed that he wasn't sabotaged by seeing other people drink. It just wasn't his issue. Qrow was like a goddamn light switch. Do want. Do not want. Easy.

 

And Qrow desperately wanted a drink right now.

 

"Bit of a mix-up..." he muttered, turning his back on Oz so he could glare down at Ruby. Mix-up his ass. Qrow knew damn well who was responsible for this little show and she was currently blinking up at him with the greatest “Who me?” expression in the history of ever. Qrow drew a finger across his neck, but Ruby ignored his warning with glee.

 

"I got confused," she sang, skipping past him to grab hold of Ozpin and drag him into their home. "I thought we needed a babysitter, but we don't, but you're already here, soooo..." There was a great deal of spluttering on Oz's part—excuses and apologies—but Ruby's grip was hard as iron. Qrow realized all was lost when Yang practically tore the strange supplies out of his hands and replaced it with a mug of coco. Ozpin stared down at the offering in bewilderment.

 

He looked back towards the door. Then at Qrow—and his eyes immediately dropped.

 

"I don't mean to intrude," Ozpin murmured. "Truly. A mix-up... yes. I'll simply—" He stepped forward to try and return the mug to Qrow and Qrow found himself reaching for it instinctually. Rather than taking it though he slid his hands forward until they were covering both of Ozpin's, heat radiating between them through the ceramic. His skin was soft, a little cool, and Qrow thumbed the class ring adorning his left hand, thinking suddenly that he’d look great with a _different_ kind of ring there.

 

Bad, Qrow. Do not.

 

"You should stay," he said firmly. Qrow couldn't see, but he heard the muffled 'Yes!' from Yang and Ruby. "Seriously, Oz. Take a load off for a while. I'd like the company." Qrow knew he had a good grin—what Tai called rakish—but he'd never quite believed it until he saw the blush rising up Ozpin's neck.

 

"Very well," he said, sounding unexpectedly pleased about it.

 

"Fan-fucking-tastic."

 

As Ruby started dragging Ozpin again, this time towards the kitchen, Qrow took a second to acknowledge that he wasn't just enjoying that blush for its ego boost. Oh, he wasn't so arrogant that he thought it meant what he'd like it to mean—anyone was going to get hot in the face during an embarrassing moment, especially with someone as handsy as Qrow—but at the same time it didn't necessary _not_ mean what he wanted it to. Confusing much. All Qrow knew for certain was that Ozpin looked more... approachable tonight.

 

Casual clothes, hair tousled from the wind, he'd even thrown his coat haphazardly over a chair when Yang insisted that their closet was stuffed with boxes they'd never bothered to unpack (true). Oz wasn't quite as put together tonight, a little rough around the edges, and Qrow found that he liked it. A _lot_.

 

Yep. He definitely needed that drink.

 

"Hit me up, Firecracker," he said and Yang immediately rushed to the stove, carefully ladling coco into another mug. She knew what he really wanted, which meant that Yang's look was thoroughly stern (yeesh) when she dropped a bit of peppermint in instead. Qrow took the drink with a sigh only half faked before joining them at the kitchen island.

 

"—cookies, and caramels, and look, this is our gingerbread house." Ruby pushed the monstrosity past the snacks and Ozpin politely looked it over. It was a little lopsided. And stale.

 

"I was under the impression that you were meant to build these during the winter holidays."

 

Qrow scoffed. "You think these munchkins are going to pass up an opportunity to turn their sweets addiction into messed up architecture? You should see the stuff they build around Easter."

 

"He could," Yang said, a little too casual for Qrow's liking. "Ozpin should come over for our egg hunt. Right, Ozpin?"

 

"Ah..."

 

"You're invited if you want to be, Oz. Don't let them bully you."

 

Ozpin nodded, once again looking both surprised and pleased. For just a moment his expression went blank like he was memorizing the date and hell, maybe he was. Ozpin caught the high-five Ruby gave Yang under the counter and freely rolled his eyes.

 

It became excruciatingly clear though that they were, in fact, bullying him—if one considered non-stop attention and none too subtle comments as 'bullying.' Under other circumstances Qrow might have been jealous, his girls and his time taken up by the neighbor, but this was _Ozpin_ and Qrow quickly realized that the constant chatter was actually putting him at ease. He watched as Ozpin's shoulders relaxed and the look in his eyes eased away. By the time Ruby had spread out the supplies he'd brought Ozpin was chuckling and smiling along with them, doing awful things to Qrow's heart rate.

 

"I’d thought I’d be entertaining two young girls for an untold number of hours," Oz explained, making it sound like something between a joke and an apology. "I thought perhaps, if you weren't already finished, I could assist in designing Halloween costumes. Well. To be fair, this was Glynda's suggestion."

 

“That’s so cool!” Ruby exclaimed and for just a moment Oz looked legitimately bowled over by the compliment.

 

Qrow picked up a bit of cloth, rubbing it between his fingers. "Definitely cool, but one, you have a _lot_ of faith in our craft skill. And two, I already picked up cheap costumes from the dollar store."

 

Ozpin blinked. "Would this be the dollar store with a hungry looking teen at the cash register?"

 

"...Yes. How the hell did you know that?"

 

"No reason."

 

"I'm gonna be a dragon," Yang said, throwing herself on top of the supplies, hugging her hoard. "Anyone who gives out raisins or sugar free bars will be _eaten_."

 

Ruby brandished a piece of licorice. "And I'm the dragon's knight! Prepare to get stabbed!"

 

Qrow stared solemnly across at Ozpin. "Aren't they just the sweetest things?

 

"Adorable."

 

"We can make a costume for Zwei though," Ruby said. At his name the corgi came flying down the steps, launching himself at Ruby's legs. He missed by a lot and ended up plowing his head into the rungs of the chair. Before anyone could so much as wince though he'd bounced back up and was circling the island, only slowing down when Ruby bent and opened her arms for him to scramble into. Zwei settled comfortably in her lap, ears perking forward as he spotted Ozpin. He barked just once, as if in greeting.

 

"He likes you!" Ruby cheered.

 

"Oh?" Ozpin leaned across the island, reaching one hand out until Zwei covered it with a paw. They shook gravely. "It's wonderful to see you again, Zwei. You're rather cute when you're not digging holes under the fence or ruining my flowerbed."

 

Qrow rubbed the back of his neck. He tried very hard to find something else to look at. "Yeah... about that..."

 

"It's quite alright. Were it anyone else I might be annoyed, but... well."

 

No. Wait. Qrow desperately wanted Oz to finish that thought. He seemed to catch himself though and Qrow was left to flounder, wondering why _he_ of all people was the exception to Ozpin's normally fastidious nature. By the time he shook the cobwebs from his mind Ruby had draped Zwei in a red cloth ("He's little red riding hood!" "He should be the wolf.") and Yang was tearing through their DVD collection. She ran back into the kitchen and tossed a movie down so hard that it bounced and hit Ozpin in the arm.

 

"Whoops."

 

"Jeez, Firecracker." Qrow picked up the case and checked it for damage. "Hold up now. _The Ring?_ I thought you two wanted _Corpse Bride_ or _Hocus Pocus_?"

 

"Nah. That's kiddie stuff." Said the girl taking pictures of her dog in a red hood. "We want a scary movie. You promised we could."

 

"I wasn't thinking this scary though," Qrow muttered. "Thoughts?" he asked, holding the case up for Ozpin's inspection. He took it with a concentration—an investment—that sent warmth straight down Qrow’s spine.

 

"I've only ever seen the Japanese original," he said. " _Ringu_. Though that's little help here. From what I understand, despite one being a remake of the other, Japanese and American film conventions differ fairly extensively, as one would expect, and especially when it comes to genres like horror. What might be scary for one individual is hardly an indicator that—" Ozpin suddenly cut himself off. "Or. They're eight and ten?"

 

"You're eight and ten," Qrow agreed. "Plus Tai will have my balls if I give you nightmares."

 

Yang raised her hands pleadingly. "Please? Dad doesn't have to know." She caught sight of what Ruby was texting. "Dad doesn't have to know _any more than he already does._ "

 

"I like to keep him updated!"

 

"This'll give _me_ nightmares, kiddo."

 

"Well... Ozpin is here. He'll protect you."

 

Qrow couldn't duck his head fast enough: that smile snuck out for all to see. So that was their game. The old scaredy cat routine, maybe an arm laid casually over the couch that one of them could _accidentally_ lean into when things got too scar. His girls thought he was blind (and maybe he was), but Qrow hadn't been born yesterday.

 

It felt like Ozpin's expression was a mirror of his own. Qrow was surprised though when he smoothed out his features and lifted his head, a little regal. A little scared? Ozpin stood with grace and purpose though, stepping out to face Qrow's chair. He swept into a low bow.

 

"I would most certainly protect you, Qrow. To the best of my ability."

 

Ruby let out a high-pitched squeal and there was _an oof!_ that sounded suspiciously like Yang hitting her in the stomach.

 

"Yeah?" Qrow had to clear his throat. It felt like vines were strangling his chest. "You good at this protecting business?"

 

"...I can dial 911."

 

" _Sold_."

 

Ruby let out another cheer and Yang barreled into Ozpin, surprising him with an impromptu hug. They seemed to take that little display as agreement that they could watch the film (no??) and thus started herding them both towards the living room. Ruby gathered up all the snacks she'd put aside earlier and shoved half of it into Yang's arms, throwing the rest directly onto the couch. She yelled that she'd forgotten something upstairs and raced away. Yang put a hand on Qrow's back, Ozpin's elbow, and shoved them both towards the TV.

 

Qrow let her, considering that he was still lost back in Ozpin's bow; the promise that he’d keep him safe. As they sat a tiny bit of moonlight strayed in from the window, highlighting Oz's hair and eyes. Qrow found himself staring at his profile and a tiny part of his mind—the part still functioning—informed him that he was absolutely, undoubtedly screwed.

 

 _Don't need the drink_ , he thought, heart racing as Ozpin laughed at something Yang said. _I'm drunk enough as it is._

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS chapter was supposed to be "health." Yaaaaay messing things up

Everything was going according to plan.

 

Or, as much of a plan as they had, anyway. Ruby hadn't gotten much past, 'Get Ozpin in the door and keep him there,' but luckily Yang had ideas of her own.

 

Aunt Raven (whom Ruby was _not_ supposed to call that) had been in and out of their lives infrequently prior to her arrest. Ruby didn't remember her very well, just the times Dad and Uncle Qrow would get mad about her visiting, but she'd spent a whole lot more time with Yang considering she was her mom and all. Yang never said much about those outings, just that they were awkward and a little sad. She had, however, learned a thing or two along the way. Things the two of them knew instinctually to never, _ever_ tell Uncle Qrow about.

 

Basically, Yang was a really good pickpocket.

 

"Kids in books do it all the time," she'd whispered, the night in bed where she'd shown Ruby the bracelet and chap-stick she'd lifted off her earlier in the day, unnoticed. "You know, like street kids. Mom said it's a really good skill to have. Better than math."

 

"Isn't that why she's in jail?" Ruby had hissed back. "For stealing stuff?"

 

"...Yeah. But _I_ won't get caught."

 

And she hadn't. Yang never did anything bad. She just lifted stuff for the fun of it and then put it back on the counter or up in Uncle Qrow's bedroom, giggling when he'd scratch his head the next day and wonder aloud about the same void that stole his socks. She grabbed change sometimes too, but never anything more than a couple of dollars. Uncle Qrow kept their cookie jar stocked monthly for treats and the two of them could spend the allowance however they wanted. Neither of them really needed the money. It was just a game.

 

A really useful game though, when Yang hugged Ozpin and slipped his house keys right out of his pocket. He was too busy panicking over the fact that he'd _bowed_ to Uncle Qrow to notice—Ruby could see it all over his face; it was _great_ —and it was easy for Yang to palm her the keys when she handed her the snacks. Ruby shot upstairs with Zwei at her heels before either adult could look too closely. Now she just needed to make Yang's skill worth the effort.

 

Ruby hid the keys in their jewelry box for safe keeping and opened her window, doing it slow to avoid the squeak. The blast of Fall air hit her full in the face and Ruby shivered, trying to quiet her chattering teeth. Zwei made some whining noises and Ruby shushed him too.

 

She fixed the little hood she'd made him. "I'll be back in just a minute, Zwei," Ruby whispered. "Stay here and keep watch, okay?"

 

He gave a tiny woof in response and Ruby nodded, climbing up onto her desk and through the open window. She'd done this a couple times before, mostly when she wanted to alone. Or like last night when they’d snuck out to fix Ozpin's yard. Their house was short and old with plenty of crevices for Ruby to fit her shoes into. Scooting down the roof was easy. Dropping from the gutter to monkey bars on their play-set was a little harder—she was always nervous about slipping through—but Ruby managed it. She kept low in case anyone was still in the kitchen and raced back down the path, across Ozpin's yard, and around to the back entrance. Hidden under an empty flowerpot was his extra key.

 

He'd told Ruby and Yang about it months ago, just in case there was some sort of emergency. Everyone was so nice and trusting around here.

 

Ruby loved it.

 

"Got the key, got the key," she sang, nice and quiet as she snuck back onto their property. Ruby climbed the ladder, hoisted herself up onto the monkey bars, balanced there a sec, grabbed the gutter, scrambled up to the roof, and was back inside before anyone knew she was gone.

 

"Victory," she told Zwei. He sniffed the key with interest. After a lick of luck from him Ruby hid it with the other and grabbed the pillows and blanket off her bed. Taking a deep breath, she smiled and raced back down the steps at top speed.

 

"Don't break anything," Uncle Qrow called out, just as Ruby did nearly trip and die. She regained her balance though and trotted over to the couch. Yang was still laying out snacks. Their eyes met and a single, knowing nod was passed. They turned their attention to the adults.

 

They were sitting way too far apart.

 

"I want the outlet," Yang announced. Ruby tossed her the phone and Yang flopped onto the left side of the couch, forcing Uncle Qrow to move a little closer to Ozpin. _Ozpin_ was moving too much now though and Ruby shoved a pillow quickly onto the couch's other end, jumping on top so it flattened with a _whoosh_. Ozpin scooted politely to give her space—and found himself brushing shoulders with Uncle Qrow.

 

"My apologies," he murmured. Ozpin tried to give Uncle Qrow more room, but there was nowhere else to go. Ruby played her bratty kid card and kicked her legs out on a diagonal. Now they were _really_ plastered together. Ruby could feel how stiff Ozpin had gone and Uncle Qrow was twisting his bracelets round and round like he did when he was nervous. Perfect.

 

Yang reached behind the couch to grab the lamp's cord and as she did she caught Ruby's eye again. Neither could help but grin. Ozpin and Uncle Qrow were exactly where the girls wanted them. Now they just had to get them to relax.

 

"You'll try my cookies, right, Ozpin?" Ruby asked. She grabbed the plate of and was thrilled when his eyes lit up with interest. Uncle Qrow caught the look too and his face softened.

 

"I believe I was promised caramel corn," Ozpin said. Yang nudged the bowl of popcorn closer with a socked foot. The whole table was overburdened with sweets.

 

 Ozpin curiously broke the cookie in two. "Are these M&Ms?"

 

" _And_ Skittles."

 

"Give it a chance," Uncle Qrow said, chuckling at Ozpin's expression. "It's better than you'd expect."

 

"I'll hold you to that promise." Ozpin handed half the cookie to Uncle Qrow, a shy little smile on his face. Uncle Qrow took it, slower about the action than was absolutely necessary. The two of them were awfully quiet until Uncle Qrow suddenly cleared his throat.

 

"Movie," he muttered. "Turn something on, Rosebud. _The Ring_ if you really want it, but you _never_ tell Tai about this and if you get nightmares you're crawling into Zwei's bed, not mine. Got it?"

 

As one Yang and Ruby mimed sealing their lips and Ruby pushed passed the licorice and Reese's to find the remote. She actually really was scared of movies like this and that might have been a problem if she and Yang hadn't already watched this one a year ago—Uncle Qrow was oddly optimistic about how they spent their time alone. Thus, as Katie and Becca started talking urban legends, Ruby only acted pretend scared, sliding down into the crook between the couch arm and Ozpin's side. He was a good pillow. Skinny without being bony, and every once in a while he'd look down fondly and brush the hair from her face; looking next across Uncle Qrow's back to check on Yang. Pillowness was an important trait for a potential third dad.

 

As was a love of sweets.

 

Ozpin happily accepted everything Ruby offered him. She'd already known he had a sweet tooth (she _saw_ that smear of chocolate this morning) and it was crucial to her own little plan (developed in the last five minutes) that he eat as much as possible. Things did take a little longer than she expected though, considering that he always gave half of what Ruby offered him to Uncle Qrow.

 

That was so cute though. Uncle Qrow _hated_ licorice and he ate it anyway. Ruby gave Ozpin another to see if it would happen again... and yep. Yep.

 

Yang let out a suspicious cough and Ruby grinned.

 

Eventually even Ozpin reached his breaking point though.

 

"I think I've had enough," he whispered when Ruby tried to press another chocolate marshmallow into his palm. "Thank you though. You've been a marvelous host this evening."

 

"The bestest," Ruby agreed. She adopted a sad look then, glancing shyly down at the blanket. "You didn't try any of my cake though..."

 

Uncle Qrow leaned towards Ruby and as he did Ozpin breathed deeply before tearing his face away from Uncle Qrow's hair. Yang gave her a thumb's up behind both their backs.

 

" _Cake?_ " he said. "We don't have a cake."

 

"We made it this afternoon," Yang said casually, tossing a nonpareil into her mouth. "We got bored and we had that extra mix in the back cupboard, remember? You know, the triple chocolate fudge one."

 

Ruby caught Ozpin's wince. She laid on the puppy-dog eyes. "I know mixes are easy, but I worked _super_ hard on it..."

 

"Of course," Ozpin said, a little too quickly. "Here. Pause the film and I'll get us all a slice."

 

Uncle Qrow was already standing. "Don't be stupid, I'll get it."

 

"Well you hardly need to insult me. I'm merely trying to be polite."

 

"Ha ha. Sit your butt down, Oz."

 

"I'd greatly enjoy seeing you try to make me..."

 

They kept bickering as they walked to the kitchen. As soon as they'd turned to retrieve the cake from the fridge Yang slid across the couch, slamming into Ruby's side.

 

"You're giving him too much," she hissed. "If he's sick he's not happy."

 

"If he's sick Uncle Qrow can take care of him!"

 

Understanding dawned on Yang's face. She slammed a fist into her palm, nodding quickly. "You know, now that I think about it, I'm not sure I can finish a whole slice..."

 

Ruby grinned. "Me neither."

 

"No don't do that. Uncle Qrow will be super suspicious if _you_ give up cake."

 

"Oh. Right. 'Kay."

 

Which was how by the time Samara was climbing out of the TV Ozpin had finished his slice, most of Yang's, and the extra icing that Uncle Qrow never wanted. Ruby was pleased to see his hand resting protectively over his stomach. It wasn't over Uncle Qrow's shoulders yet... but it would have to do.

 

As the credits rolled Ozpin stood and faced them with the kind of solemnity only he could pull off. He bowed his head. "Thank you. It has indeed been a... marvelous evening. Truly, but I'm afraid I've overstayed my welcome. Especially since I wasn't even meant to be here in the first place." His eyes crinkled as he smiled. "It was... _nice_ to spend time with you."

 

The last part was definitely directed at just one of them. Uncle Qrow stood, seemingly not sure what to do with his hands. He settled for giving Ozpin two quick pats on the shoulder. "Same, dude, same. No thanks necessary, you know? Hey, if you ever want to hang again I promise we'll do something less boring than movies and cake."

 

Ozpin's mouth worked strangely. He finally swallowed. Hard. "It was hardly boring, Qrow. Far more lively than my own Saturday nights, I assure you."

 

"Pff. Only because these two brats went all out. Come back next weekend. You watch them do homework while I pay bills. Best entertainment next to watching paint dry."

 

"...I'd actually like that."

 

"Ha! It's a date then."

 

Yang punched the air at that word and had to turn it into a scratch as Ozpin bent to say goodnight. He was getting more comfortable with the hugs and when it was her turn Ruby practically launched herself into his arms. Ozpin was chuckling as he set her back down on her feet.

 

"Behave," he admonished. "You're both tricksters. Don't think I'm blind to your schemes."

 

"Us? _Never_ ," and Ruby rocked back on her heels as she waved goodbye. Uncle Qrow walked Ozpin to the door, said something she didn't catch, and then he was gone.

 

"Well that didn’t work," Yang muttered. “He left anyway.”

 

“Wait for it.”

 

Uncle Qrow was trying to act nonchalant and tell them to brush their teeth extra long tonight when the knock came at the door.

 

Ozpin, of course, was back on their porch. For a second he stared hard at Yang and Ruby (blank face, blank face, TOTALLY INNOCENT) and then his gaze skittered to Qrow. Ozpin sighed and he let his eyes slip shut.

 

"Oz? You okay?"

 

"No. I’m not. I… seem to have misplaced my keys."

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Folklore

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me? Write rushed and ridiculous endings because of time constraints?? NEVER. 
> 
> (Hope you all enjoyed the ride anyway :)

 

Faeries indeed. Mischievous little creatures who stole beloved objects and lead one astray.

 

Ozpin sat ram-rod straight on the edge of Qrow's bed, well aware of how out of his depth he was. In the moments it took him to walk from his own door back to Qrow's, Ozpin had thought long and hard about whether to call the girls out on their prank. Because it was most certainly them. He wasn't sure how they'd achieved it, but one simply didn't lose their house keys and their spare in the same night, especially when Ozpin had managed to keep them both safe for over thirty years. Absurdity. In truth the only reason why he hadn't opened his palm and demanded their return was because both Ruby and Yang and sprung to their feet upon seeing him, shouting that they were off to bed now, rushing upstairs like the devil himself was on their heels. That's where they were now. In their room... and they'd apparently locked the door.

 

"Yang!" Ozpin heard Qrow pound twice on the frame. "You come out here _right now!_ "

 

"We're asleep," came Ruby's muffled voice.

 

"You're not asleep!"

 

"Dead to the world," Yang called. "Sorry. Call back in eight hours."

 

"Girls—"

 

Both of them just made a drawn out 'Z' sound until Qrow let out a strangled scream of frustration. A second later he appeared again in the doorway, hands raised in defeat.

 

"The fuck do I do with them?" he asked. Qrow mussed his hair and pushed up his sleeves, revealing intricately tattooed arms. Ozpin had to look away. "Far as I see it there are two options: get the toolbox and dismantle that damn door, or call Tai and let _him_ tear into them. That might be enough to get them to open up... fuck. I'm sorry, Oz. I don't know why they're doing this."

 

"...I believe we both know exactly why they're doing this."

 

It wasn't an easy thing for him to admit. Ozpin kept his eyes firmly on the other side of Qrow's bedroom, taking in the open bureau, clothes in various states of disarray, the number of cosmetics that littered the top. It was the sort of personal, mundane thing he would have killed to see just an hour ago. Now Ozpin found that he hardly saw it. He didn't even breathe again until he felt Qrow sitting down beside him. He was just waiting for Qrow to laugh at all the implications.

 

He didn’t.

 

Instead Qrow let out a whoosh of air, flopping backwards until he was stretched out on the bed. "Yeah. Hey, you remember Port's cookout?"

 

"His—? Of course. Yes."

 

An odd non sequitur, but how could he forget? Two weeks of Port bragging that his burgers and ribs were the greatest things to ever grace a paper plate. In the end he'd set his lawn on fire.

 

"I thought Bart was going to strangle him," Qrow chuckled. "Glynda too. But you...while everyone argued _you_ went to check on the birds; make sure the fire hadn't gotten near their nest."

 

Ozpin was suddenly grateful for the dark room. He remembered that family of mourning doves well. He just hadn't thought anyone had seen him.

 

"That was the first time I wanted to ask you out."

 

" _What?_ "

 

He whirled on Qrow, finding him still laid out casually on the bed. He turned his head towards Ozpin. "Actually, that's a lie."

 

...of course.

 

"It was the _third_ time I wanted to ask you out. I don't count the first two though. First one was just because you were hot and the second..." Qrow fished something out of his pocket. It was a coin that he spun between his fingers. "This would have been a year token if I hadn't caved that night. Girls were asleep, I was feeling like shit, saw that your light was on and almost went over... but I've learned not to trust anything that drunk me does. Or doesn't do. Or even _wants_ to do." Qrow slid the coin back into his pocket. "But the barbecue? That one was just... you."

 

Ozpin was suddenly aware that he wasn't breathing again. With a gasp he forced his body to move, stretching out his legs and bowing his head over them, trembling a little. After a moment he felt the lightest touch against his back. Qrow's fingers.

 

Ozpin focused on breathing. It was a long time before he could say,"Third time's the charm."

 

The fingers tightened against his sweater. "Huh?"

 

"Threes, Qrow. Fairy tales are saturated with them." Ozpin lifted his head, running a hand over his face. "It's called the Rule of Three. Or sometimes even the Power of Three…which seems fitting. You must remember that folk tales developed out of an oral tradition. Long before they were written in bound books or on blogs they had to be passed from person to person. Putting things in threes works as a memory aid for the teller and helps make the story memorable for the audience. It also allows space for religious parallels, builds drama, and provides a satisfying amount of variety. Three evil stepsisters, each with a different vice. Three beds, only one of which will turn out just right."

 

Ozpin remembered suddenly that he was _on_ Qrow’s bed and had just breathe again.

 

"...Okay," Qrow said. He plucked at a thread. "Fascinating lecture, I'll admit, but I say again: huh?"

 

Ozpin smiled over his shoulder. "Were this a fairy tale your little moment of three would be reassuring. A sign of the happy ending to come. But this isn't a story, Qrow. You cannot mean that."

 

Ozpin stood then. From the corner of his eye he saw Qrow sit up, a frown on his face. He twisted the bracelets around his wrist. "Right. Just as a heads up, but I _really_ don’t like being told what I do or don't mean. Mind explaining yourself?"

 

"Certainly. You can't possibly wish to date me. This is either some trick in very poor taste—a desire to please your girls perhaps—or you've deluded yourself in some manner. About me, about your perception of me…It's really quite simple."

 

Even as he said it Ozpin knew it was too much truth, given too bluntly and in too harsh a manner. He was angering Qrow, something he had no right to do after the kindness he'd shown him... but even so a part of Ozpin was grateful. This would be easier in the long run if Qrow hated him. Anger and rumors were things that he _knew_.

 

...which made the soft chuckle all the more startling. Ozpin resisted the urge to turn and stare.

 

"Geez. You're something else, you know that?" He heard Qrow stand, two soft footsteps echoing in his direction. "Goddamn flirt the whole night—what the _hell_ was that bow, huh?—and then when I get up the nerve to admit my feelings you start up a lecture and tell me I'm, what? A liar? Delusional? Fucking hell, Oz. A less confident man might be struggling right now, realizing what an asshole you really are."

 

A hand landed on Ozpin's shoulder, rigid as stone with tension. Qrow didn't knead the muscles there, but it was a near thing; his ringed fingers pressing in and out.  

 

"Or," Qrow said softly, "this is something else entirely. Funny thing about us alcoholics, we're not drinking that swill because we like the taste. I'll tell you, Oz, therapy is a real bitch most of the time. Got these well-dressed nerds always making us talk about our insecurities and abandonment issues, how we're afraid of becoming our fathers or our sisters..." The laugh wasn't quite as humorous this time. "Sounds like a cliché, right? Soap opera crap? But they got some of it right, I’ll give ‘em that. I _know_ avoidance when I see it, Oz. You're talking to the fucking master of it. So why don't you tell me what's really holding you back. Because it can't be my stunning good looks, that's for sure." Qrow's hand tightened. "...Everything else though? I can understand if you're turning me down because of that."

 

Ozpin did turn now. Words, usually an ally, deserted him again. For a time he could only shake his head. "All of _what_?"

 

"You want the list? Well let's see... I've got myself a criminal record, drinking problem, one family member in jail—so far—the others dead, shared custody of two brats with my brother-in-law, a mouth to rival a sailor's at times, taxes still confuse the fuck outta me, oh, and I can't cook worth a damn..."

 

Despite the flippant tone Qrow had paled a little at the earlier admissions. Hardly secrets, but difficult all the same. Without consciously giving himself permission Ozpin found that his hand had risen to lightly trace the edge of Qrow's cheek.

 

"There is nothing about you that I would reject, Qrow. _Nothing_."

 

Qrow's hand was still on his shoulder and with the added touch they were close enough now that it was easy to just fall into the hug. Ozpin folded himself within Qrow's arms, head tucked down until he smelled nothing but cologne and faint aftershave. Just a few hours ago Qrow's touch had been electric. Now this… this felt like home.

 

Qrow's voice was rough as he said, "You’re really odd, you know that?"

 

"I've been told as much, yes."

 

"Good. Just checking. C'mon."

 

They settled back on the bed and it was clear that Qrow was waiting for some sort of explanation, anything that would provide a logical lens through which to view his strange, frustrating comments. They were as close now as they'd been on the couch and Ozpin found himself leaning instinctually into Qrow's shoulder.

 

"I apologize for my earlier comments," he began. "I... I was not expecting you to say what you did."

 

"And you panicked," Qrow finished.

 

"I did not—why do you and Glynda keep insisting that I _panic_ over things?"

 

"Because you do. In your quiet, nerdy way." Qrow leaned his head against Ozpin's and smiled towards the open doorway. It still provided their only light. "Glynda and I agree on something, huh? That's fucking terrifying."

 

Ozpin lightly shoved Qrow's knee. "Enough. I was attempting to be honest with you. _Open_ , and here you are cracking jokes."

 

"Who's joking? But you can add that to the list: cannot hold a serious conversation to save his life." Qrow _did_ grow serious though, brushing a bit of Ozpin's hair out of his face. "But I’m listening. What is this? Not to be _that_ shit guy, but your words really are saying one thing and your body another..." He gestured to the way they'd slowly become entwined. "You want honesty? I didn't think I stood a fucking chance with you, Oz, but I asked because I'm a glutton for punishment and, frankly, you seemed pretty receptive tonight." Qrow paused. "And because the girls are already planning our wedding and I pretty much do everything they want. _But_..."

 

"But," Ozpin agreed. "You do not know me, Qrow."

 

He reared back at that. "Really?"

 

"Really. I have made many mistakes in my time. More than you, or those girls, or this whole neighborhood combined. I do not regret them all—mistakes are time's greatest teacher, after all—but some have shaped my life in ways I wish I could change, primarily when it comes to partnership. Or my lack thereof. My complaints aside, I fear that you’d quickly tire of me, Qrow. The one before you certainly did."

 

As he spoke Ozpin had drawn the feather out of his pocket, spinning it between his fingers. He watched the black blur and ignored the way his hand shook.

 

"Okay," Qrow said slowly. "There's obviously a story there. Not one you need to tell me tonight, but... yeah. A whole lot of fucking assumptions too. Jesus, Oz. You think I'm going to get _bored_ with you? Now you really are being an asshole."

 

Before he could stop him Qrow had plucked the feather right out of Ozpin's hands. He stared at it, considering.

 

"Did you have this when you came by this morning?"

 

"Yes." Ozpin couldn't help the small smile. "Another ploy of Ruby and Yang's. You are rather... out of it in the mornings."

 

"No argument from me. Right. Well, this is mine now."

 

To Ozpin's surprise Qrow smoothed and balanced the feather on a small dish beside his lamp, otherwise filled with change and gum wrappers. He then rolled onto the pillow with one arm up behind his head, acting for all the world like things were settled between them.

 

"I'm afraid I don't understand."

 

Qrow shrugged. "It's mine. You can get it back when I'm bored." Still lying down he pulled his shirt up over his head, tossing it somewhere beyond the bed. "You like all your fancy stories so much. Think of this as like, I don't know, the loophole or whatever. We'll hang out more, get to know each other, call it dating if you want, and if any point I get tired of you I'll give the feather back."

 

"That's hardly a loophole, Qrow," Ozpin whispered. "All that ensures is the I'll be waiting for the day when you do."

 

"I know. Which is why I'm doing this."

 

And reaching Qrow opened the nightstand drawer, pulling out a lighter. With a single, confident move he'd set the feather alight, watching as it burned. Within moments there was nothing but a charred quill—which Qrow dumped unceremoniously into the trash.

 

"You'll get it back when I'm bored," he reiterated and god, that little smirk said it all.

 

"…I see." Ozpin's voice was no more than a rasp.

 

"Good. Glad you do. Now, my shit kids didn't just lock you out of your house, but they did that when our guest room is still overflowing with shit we should have thrown out months ago. So, you can either take the couch downstairs or stop thinking for once and c'mere." Qrow patted the quilt, soothing. "Just to sleep, Oz."

 

"Just sleep," he reiterated. The world seemed fuzzy as Ozpin toed off his shoes and crawled further onto the bed, situating himself until he was spooning Qrow, both their backs to the door. The darkness made things easier and the discomfort of sleeping in slacks and his sweater was the farthest thing from his mind. Ozpin tentatively slid his hand across Qrow's stomach and had to shut his eyes, lest it all dissipate like a dream.

 

Qrow suddenly vibrated with a laugh. Ozpin froze, tightening his hold. "What?"

 

"Oh nothing. Just thinking that the only downside to all this is how goddamn smug the girls are going to be." Qrow shook his head. "Fucking _hell_. They're gonna be insufferable tomorrow."

 

"It seems as if we owe them our gratitude."

 

"Absolutely not. They're gonna find us tomorrow morning and that embarrassment is all the 'thanks' they're gonna get."

 

"We could shut the door, you know."

 

"Do you feel like moving?"

 

Certainly not. Feather or no, Ozpin would not move unless forced to. He wasn’t ready for that kind of faith yet. In fact, he wasn't sure he could trust that there was _any_ future for them, so given the chance he'd stay exactly where he was. Forever.

 

"No. I don't, Qrow."

 

"Well there you go."

 

Dawn was hours off—as was Ruby's shriek of glee when she discovered them together, Yang snapping pictures on their cell that she'd immediately send to Tai. (And wouldn't _that_ be a conversation.) Ozpin couldn't know that Qrow would make him awful pancakes before he left for AA, or that an hour after that Glynda would spot him leaving the house, flashing him the biggest grin he'd ever seen grace her features. There was simply no way to imagine the sly congratulations that Peter would slide his way, or the clap on the back from Bart... or the first kiss Qrow would give him a week later, hidden behind a tree as Ruby and Yang sang out, "Trick or treat!" Much of Ozpin's optimism had burned out of him years ago, slowly through words or small actions, and thus he simply couldn't picture the Thanksgiving spent hand-in-hand, or the Christmas night together, or even the New Year's fight that would, after apologies, lead them to something far deeper. Stronger and… lasting.

 

Ozpin didn't know. For now all he had was Ruby and Yang safe in the next room; the weight of Qrow in his arms; the faint smell of smoke in the air, reminding him of a promise.

 

It was more than Ozpin had ever had before.

 

It was more than enough.

 

 


End file.
